There’s some kind of dissatisfaction in your life. You vaguely know what it is, but you’re having trouble putting your finger on it. Your job doesn’t seem to fit you in some way. You’re not appreciated by the people you work with, or maybe your own partner or your family. Everybody else seems to be doing better than you are. You’re not smart enough, or rich enough, or good looking enough, or skinny enough, or funny enough, or interesting enough. There’s something not enough.

The reason that there is something missing is because you are hiding something from yourself… you are avoiding something. You are looking for some reason, some excuse, something, or someone to blame for not having what you really want. And the truth is, that you are to blame. And the truth is, you don’t want to see that.

Are you to blame, though? Here’s the way I see it. We all have two selves… we have our self and our Self. Our little self and our big Self. Our little self is that part of us looking for the problems, the excuses, the reasons why we can’t do or have something. Our little self is comparing us with others, and finding either ourselves, or others, lacking. Our little self is criticizing and judging. Our little self tells us we are different, better than, worse than. Our little self wants to shrink into a corner or wants to show them. Our little self is always looking for justification to be angry, upset, and selfish. Our little self does not want to share. Our little self thinks it has to protect us from all the bad stuff and bad people out there.

Our big Self does not even see our little self. Our big Self has a big heart and feels loving and connected to others. Our big Self wants to help and be useful and do something that has a positive impact on others and on the world. This all comes naturally, spontaneously, without effort… it just comes.

Your little self is your ego self. Your big Self is your Spirit Self. So, who is to blame for your unhappiness or dissatisfaction? The little self part of you is to blame, but it just doesn’t know any better.

Here’s what you need to do. You need to watch, to observe. You need to pay attention. When you do that, you will begin to recognize the little self reacting to the world. That’s you’re chance to stand back, step back, out of your little self. Step into the background, and just watch. Watch the play. Watch the drama. Be curious about it. Step out of the investment in it and just observe it. Don’t judge it, or criticize it. (If you do that, you’re back into your little self again!) Watch the play unfold with interest. “Oh, isn’t that interesting… look at where my thoughts are going now… look at how I’m responding now.”

Now be amused. Be forgiving. Don’t take your little self seriously. “That’s just that little self part of me again… always thinking it’s got the answers, that it’s right, that it’s in charge. Ha!” Let your big Self come in and do its thing… be loving, be forgiving, be compassionate, be open, be expanding, be accepting. Whenever you start to notice that very loud little self voice… see if you can be still and listen for the quieter Spirit Self voice, and go with what that voice is telling you.

If you practice listening, if you practice quiet, if you practice gratitude, if you practice tuning into your natural, big, expanding Self, your little self will gradually diminish. Don’t try to scold your little self, or punish it. Learn to have as much compassion for your little self as you are learning to have for others. Be kind to yourself, and be kind to others. You will gradually find yourself more contented, more accepting, and yes, more happy. There is no instant pill. It’s a process. Everything in your life will change, though, once you change the way you think about things.

Personal life coaching can help you become more aware, can help you focus on solutions instead of on problems, can help you set goals, can help you stay accountable to your Self.


To find out if life coaching is right for you, sign up for a free life coaching session.